POUGHKEEPSIE, NY – Screams of fright and peals of laughter echoed around the walls of the local theater, as moviegoers viewed the premiere of NITEFEAR 2: The Reckoning. The film was enjoyed by all—except one. Greg Banks, a self-described horror movie aficionado, was less than convinced.
“It just wasn’t that scary,” said Banks, “I don’t know how you could ever be scared by this.” With crossed arms and a stern frown, Banks went on. “Just look at this scene,” he gestured toward the screen where a terrified man and woman were fleeing from a horde of eyeless ghouls, “the trees look fake as shit.”
While Banks continued to berate his fellow moviegoers for wasting their money on NITEFEAR 2: The Reckoning and boasting that “Actually it was almost funny to me.”
The Clove spoke with a concession worker under condition of anonymity for “fear that Greg will bug me about this”.
“Yeah, Greg does this like once a week. He comes into the movie and complains that it’s not scary enough. Sometimes he doesn’t even watch the movie.”
Well after the movie ended, Banks remained in the theater lobby attempting to dissuade a number of confused passersby from attending NITEFEAR 2. As the theater closed, Banks walked out to his car while repeatedly muttering “Just not that scary” under his breath. He drove home slowly, stopping at several fast food drive-thrus to inform the tired workers about the non-scariness of the movie as well as to order several large diet Cokes. As Banks unlocked his door his long-suffering pet dog, Freddy, looked up and turned his head. “Sorry buddy, but it just wasn’t that scary,” Banks explained rather pointedly to the animal. Freddy laid his head back down.
Later, while brushing his teeth, Banks stopped and looked in the mirror. “Honestly, I just wasn’t that scared,” he said, nodding at his own reflection. “Like, I’ve seen a bunch of way scarier movies.” Alone in his bed, Banks looked up at dark ceiling and the languid drift of the fan. “Really, I was just not scared at all.” The fan continued to slowly turn.
Written by Michael Loukeris
– THE CLOVE –
The Clove 